Monday, August 26, 2013

The Angel of Francesca and Marialuisa

The Angel of Francesca and Marialuisa

the sequel to the story middle sister would not confirm or deny  'Jane' 1971

Addendum- October 4, 2014 & June 21, 2018

 Older Sister - Born December 22, 1961

 Middle Sister - Born April 30, 1966

First, read ’Jane’ 1971
So 'mystery girl' was in the area, at least for school, in 1971.

Mere coincidences of a look a like- Doppelganger - or ... Dissociative Amnesia ?

So I made that observation of this 'coincidental' physical resemblance to this middle sister. I had to. I tell her the Indian tepee 1971 'Jane' story, making a certain matter perfectly clear in no uncertain terms: that if your older sister is my lost first love, than that’s where I definitely want & must be back together with her. Douglas Andrew Willinger June 10, 2012 - to be updated and continued ...

I had to tell the middle sister the Indian tepee ‘Jane’ 1971 story. But she did not answer, turning away in silence or perhaps a low sigh. As if it was if absurd that her ‘Mystery Girl’ older sister was my lost love ‘Jane’ 1971. After all, the names are different and unassociated. “JANE” is not the barely 5+ syllable Italian compound name that starts with an “M”, and is not an obvious shortening such as something as Marilu, or ML.

Or rather, as if her older sister and my long lost love ‘Jane 1971’ where one and the same -- perhaps as a nickname phase, or even a part of the immensely strong memory blockage issues given my inability to recall ‘Jane’s’ surname -- a truth which the middle sister, Francesca, did not want to hear or acknowledge and wish it were not true. That I, who she conceivably considered as HER first love was her older sister’s first love 5 1/2 years previously at summer camp would have hit her conceivably like a ton of bricks.

Her first love, and what I could in jest refer back to her as my first ‘hate’ owing to her contrarian behavior towards me from the very first day of that school year of 1976-1977 that stood in marked contrast to ‘Jane’ 1971. No hugs. No kisses. Nor anything as facing each other squatting and playing piano on each others’ toes. But rather expressions of ‘hate’ and shin-kicking. Prefaced by the loudest and deepest of exacerbated sighs. I had known of her existence since seeing the photo of her playing piano in the Thornton Donovan school receptionist area in 1974. I remarked to myself she looks ‘reconstructed French’ very similar to my lost ‘Jane’ 1971, but more cherubic, and pudgier. But I had only at distance observation of the TD’s lower school (K- grade 5), and did not get to meet her until 1976.

Our first encounter was in May 1976 at the end of my second year at Thornton Donovan, when I go to the lower school (4th and 5th grade) classroom window and look in. Of the entire group, all ignore me, expect Francesca, who lets out a deep sign before turning to close the window to show she’s exacerbated by my mere presence. We had not yet even met, and I was already under her skin.

Our second encounter, and when we first exchanged words, was on or next to the first day of the 1976-1977 school year, in September 1976. I walk up to a group of about 10 girls in grades 6-8, which included my sister Lisa attending TD in grade 6, and my other sister Lauren in grade 5. Most of the girls pay me little notice, except this cherubic character I soon found myself referring to as ’Spunky’ Francesca. ‘Spunky’ Francesca sighed deeply. Smiles to herself, mouth closed, before again opening her mouth to express to me and to announce to anyone else around within ear-shout that she “hates” me. And then she warns me that she was going to kick me in the shins- to which I first thought I heard as “chin” as if she could raise a foot that high – before following through to the front of my lower legs (a younger person giving me an education to expand my vocabulary).

NOTE- color photographs by Douglas A. Willinger; B&W photographs Thornton Donovan and Ursuline yearbooks.

Byron, Lauren, Lisa and Douglas Willinger
at home, morning of the 1st day of 1976-1977 school year
at Thornton Donovan School, New Rochelle, N.Y.

I start walking backwards and she continues for about 30 or 40 feet with people looking at us and wondering what was going on? Shin kicking was her thing for me, her way of communicating to me that we were old spirits and that she felt strongly about me: that she “hated” me. I was wondering to myself, what’s going on here? What was up with this “alive and kicking” behavior? We’ve just met yet I am already like previously under her skin- like this is some old familiar spirit. For me, ‘Spunky’ Francesca Gallozzi evidenced reincarnation and constellations of old spirits.

Francesca Gallozzi, Douglas Willinger, Lisa Willinger

Janet Fleming, Lisa Willinger, Francesca Gallozzi

Lisa Willinger, Francesca Gallozzi

Francesca Gallozzi, Lisa Willinger

Regardless of her talk about how she “hated” me, she was not known for avoiding me. On the contrary, she was around me beyond the mathematical probabilities, gravitated indeed animated by my presence- announcing such with a customarily deep sigh. ‘Spunky’ Francesca – born April 30, 1966 -- was a gal ahead of her physical age, then at the age of 10, the age of a 5th grader skipped ahead to be in the 6th grade, but even further to 7th grade English and 8th grade Science. With Francesca being in the 6th grade with my sister Lisa, they became friends. Though I was in grade 9, Francesca and I participated together in such school activities as the New Rochelle Thanksgiving Day Parade, the December 22, 1976 Christmas play “Scrooge” – with me playing the lead - , the Headmaster’s Advisory Committee, with a proposed ‘T.D. Tales’ project that ended up being aborted, along with bicycling. ‘Spunky’ had a piece of own artwork in pastel colors of a fish, with different possible names for the fish written on the back, that hung on the classroom wall before she gave it to my sister Lisa in June 1977.

She was definitely no ditz, and a total feist. She was loads of fun to have around, more fun than a barrel of monkeys, with a powerful personality one could then image as that of a future headmaster of a school, or even television show guru: a personality akin to steam kettle excellent for stimulating early morning conversation. A poster child – I write this as a teasing compliment – for childhood development. ‘Spunky’ Francesca was the one person there at school to intervene in my spanking my brother who attended T.D. that year for kinder-garden.

We weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, though we were definitely IMHO old spirit mates of some kind, having gone through what God knows previous life experiences, expressed by her habit of announcing me coming into her site via deep sighing, accompanied by such contra-talk as saying that she ‘hates’ me, and her greeting me with a shin kick, and occasionally a kick to the calf when approaching me from the rear. I considered her an old sidekick, an old spirit surely. And likewise, a child to babysit- her being 10 me going on 14- hence separated by puberty. But some of our classmates interpreting such behavior jokingly as making her my “wife”, with me being called by her surname, as, an Italian name suggestive of French, “Mr. Gallozzi.

T.D. 1976-1977 6th Grade

Mary Ellen Malara "Mrs. Feimer", Francesca Gallozzi

Lisa Willinger, Derrick Johnson, Darrin Todman, Francesca Gallozzi

Jane Barros, Francesca Gallozzi

Joey Nigro, Francesca Gallozzi - KickBall

Douglas Willinger, Keith Jones, Bryan Davis

 T.D. 1976-1977 9th Grade

At first this appeared just amusing. A 3 year and five month age spread, with me born November 30, 1962, and middle sister born April 30, 1966, is nothing to adults, but with the timing that I was almost 14 and hit that successive stage of puberty in August 1976, so romantically or sexually speaking I had no interest in a prepubescent, such as someone then 10 going on 11, and who physically reminded me somewhat of the Pillsbury dough boy “popin fresh’.

Socially was a different matter.  She was certainly intelligent enough to hang out with older children, and capable of generating intelligent conversation. And I liked her as essentially a member of my extended family as there was an undeniable familiarity, as I was always immensely fond of her as a person and a character. But as a ‘boyfriend –girlfriend’ relationship that crosses the puberty barrier- hah! What a joke I then thought. No way- we are just friends was my attitude.

And then potentially disastrous given the potential conflict being revealed to me by early 1977 of what my eyes were telling me about the nature of ‘Spunky’ Francesca’s crush on me, and about her older sister, born December 22, 1961, with the 6 syllable compound Italian name starting in an “M”- MARIALUISA. -

It was in the lunchroom.  A classmate found of calling me “Mr. GALLOZZI” calls Francesca “Mrs. WILLINGER”, and I see her immediately blush red while containing a smile, and then she kicks him in the shins. Oh shit- no there’s no question at all- ‘Spunky’ apparently had got a serious crush on me. -

‘Spunky’ Francesca brings in a batch of photographs, taken at her family house in central Yonkers, doubtlessly perking my growing interest in the older sister, not simply to the ‘resemblance’ to ‘Jane’, but to her now appearing to my eyes anyway to be perhaps the same girl –. Most of these were of Francesca’s 1oth birthday party; and a good number giving me ample opportunity to check out the older sister Marialuisa, who was a dead ringer for ‘Jane’ 1971.

The Older Sister - Marialuisa

If the older sister was ‘Jane’, I was not going to get romantically involved with Francesca- that could only lead to disaster. I would not want to create such potential dissention in any family. So I would tell Francesca the ‘Jane’ 1971 story within a few weeks, so there should have been no problems.

Francesca informs me that her Mom would like to meet me to get copies of some of the photographs I had taken of her with others at TD. In latter March 1977, at TD’s Emily Thornton Nite (school play) I first met the Mom, Margaret A. She arrived with the Dad, but neither the older sister nor the younger sister (who stopped attending TD after the 1975-1976 school year- and thus did not witness what went on there at that time between Francesca and myself). I did not meet the Dad, who was originally from Italy, that night as he was absent when I met and conversed with the Mom, originally from Australia, Norman in appearance with short hair and Audrey Hepburn style sun glasses. She was then very friendly and nice to me. I recall we did discuss the pictures, with her asking me about those in a tree house the Dad constructed for the daughters in their backyard. That night I would sell her 3 photos that I had taken of the middle sister. But still, I was aghast at telling the Mom- just imagine -

“Hello. Mrs. Gallozzi, I’m Douglas Andrew, who your middle daughter has undoubtedly told you much about- yet please be sure to tell her that she can’t have first dibs on me as a romantic boyfriend, because I’m actually the first love of you eldest daughter from the summer of 1971 at the Hudson Day Camp where the girl was so upset that you guys pulled her out of camp, just before the mansion burned that August.”

Although the Jane 1971 Indian Tepee incident for me was sufficiently traumatic to, until 1988, block the memory of the driveway incident with the loud thick accented male voice then determined to keep us apart, I then remembered Jane’s disappearance from Hudson, and hence was wary of her family authority for her post August 4, 1971 disappearance. So I was terrified to tell the Mom, fearing a repeat of the ‘Jane’ 1971 story of the girl being yanked away.

Though the Mom arrived with the Dad, he was absent when I met and conversed with the Mom. April 18, 1977 brought the first time that Older sisters eye’s and mine met, when I walked close to their family auto with the Mom behind the driver’s wheel and Older Sister in the front passenger seat, wearing a pink one piece shirt, in front of Thornton Donovan- and detecting perhaps a psychic ‘maybe’. Middle sister already knew I had somewhat of a crush upon her mysterious-to-me older sister, having at least one expressed knowing that. So I don’t then think that middle sister’s contrarian crush “I ‘hate’ you” is necessarily a guarantee that she would disregard my story of my lost first love Jane 1971 of Hudson Country Day School Summer Camp, as if she had really known me first! I figured that if her older sister was my ‘Jane’ 1971, then middle sister would be a wonderful friend and sister in law!

Speaking theoretically, it’s likely that a then 5 year old middle sister saw some of the antics surrounding the 1971 Indian tepee incident, such as me accompanying the tepee’s return to that split foyer-raised ranch house with the garages beneath the bedrooms to the right, and the screaming heavy accented father/uncle/grandfather? So, *if* her older sister was actually my lost love ‘Jane’, would not then Francesca respect that? And thus that we were to be old friends but just that friends and not be romantic. And thus not to be resentful against the relationship between her older sister and me, and therefore excellent friends as brother and sister in laws. So I HAD to tell Francesca the ‘Jane’ 1971 story- to which she did not want to give me a direct answer, having already decided upon me when she first stated that she ‘hated’ me in September 1976, as if she deserved precedence, even if her older sister were lost first loves.

Whatever the case, from that day forward, ‘Spunky’ Francesca never kicked me again.

I see Marialuisa play a piano at a performance at the 1977 Ursuline School Fair. It was some sort of classical music. To me it conveyed that Marialuisa is a very old spirit. Perhaps one angry and sad though perhaps conveyed by the choice of music which I can’t yet recall. As I chat with Francesca on the 2nd floor of Ursuline, I see Marialuisa walk quickly past us as if extremely shy and or preoccupied and or in some sort of trance- I’ve heard stories of the ‘mystery girl’ sounding like that from people at T.D. Of course I have more interest in her – damn “she looks like my ‘Jane’ 1971 but does not act like her mystery”, so I look into her eyes more deeply than most people would. I see the sisters again as I chat with the Mom as we left the 1977 Ursuline fair, and look at Marialuisa to see her looking back at me, as does Francesca.

Marialuisa, Nicola/Margaret, Francesca

I first (?) meet Marialuisa, June 10, 1977 at the Thornton Donovan graduation ceremony. I walk into the reception area – the T.D. library -- and set myself up in an area to visually scan the room, and see the pleasant surprise of Marialuisa already starting at me. I sit behind them, giving me ample opportunity to better check out Marialuisa and thinking to myself “physically identical to ‘Jane’ 1971”. At one point I get up to go to T.D.’s second floor to snap a photo of the audience, including Marialuisa, the Mom, Margaret, Francesca, and the younger sister Nicola who previously attended TD. Marialuisa and I first speak directly to each just outside the front door of TD.

The Mom gives me a ride home in her automobile – a dark green with saddle interior 1976 Buick Skylark 4 door sedan – where Marialuisa sitting directly in front of me, and middle and younger sisters to my left. I recall the car radio coming on with the ignition, it was either ‘Georgie Boy’ or “Lonely Boy”, with Marialuisa beginning to sing along in a low voice for a couple of moments before the radio was turned off. During the drive up Pine Brook Boulevard, the Mom talked about how T.D. had deteriorated over the past few years, which was why she had pulled her youngest daughter Nicola from T.D. at the end of the 1975-1976 school year. I speak with Marialuisa about photography where I explained to her that Agfa chrome slide film produced more pastel like color than Kodachrome. The Mom gets momentarily confused with my instructions ‘straight up Pinebrook Boulevard to the end’ at the interchange with Quacker Ridge Road, which has a right hand ramp that is literally straight as Pine Brook Boulevard there bends to the left. When we get to my place I invite them in but the Mom declines, which was disappointing as I wanted the Mom and Marialuisa to meet my Mom.

I do not see Marialuisa again until mid September

Francesca Gallozzi, Lisa Willinger
at the Willinger residence August 1977

Lisa Willinger, with 'Apollo'
at the Gallozzi residence September 1, 1977

I see the middle sister Francesca one or twice during summer ’77

It is that visit of my sister to the Gallozzi house on September 1, 1977, where I to ride along with my Mom to pick her up at the end of the visit, giving me my (?) first look of the family’s split foyer raised ranch mid 1960s house in Yonkers, N.Y. It’s accessible by westbound on the CCP to northbound on Rt-100 Central Avenue to westbound Palmer Avenue, crossing over I-87 before turning into their neighborhood. I get to step inside and up a set of stairs to see the right-hand stair-side wall largely covered with aboriginal Australian artifacts.  I am greeted towards the top of the stairs by the middle sister Francesca, wearing a sun tan from the family’s summer 1977 visit to the Canary Islands, who walks down to sigh deeply upon noting my presence, and cautions us from this one eyed cat that was hanging out on the front door step. Alas I don’t see the older sister Marialuisa that day. But I do get to see her about two weeks later, with the start of the 1977-1978 school year, I see the Mom and all three sisters in front of Ursuline. On September 12, 1977 I distinctly remember talking with the Mom, and observing a deepness of the brown in the eyes of both the older and the middle sisters.

The next day, I see Francesca sitting out in front of her new for her school, Ursuline. I tell her that Thornton Donovan – which IIRC the yearbooks show her from 1972 (autumn 1971) through 1977 -- is not going to quite the same in her absence.

I again bicycle to Ursuline on September 14, 1977, and get to see Marialuisa elated to see me with her face opening up into that beautiful open mouth smile from those photos from the 1976 birthday party and from ‘Jane’ 1971 waiving at me from the dormer window of the homeroom of Radcliff on the top floor of the Hudson County Day Camp Homewood mansion. She is wearing a white button shirt with a blue Ursuline skirt, with nylons and brown saddle shoes. I show her some photographs that I had taken at T.D. including some with her sister Francesca. She tells me that these are excellent pictures and that I am a great photographer. We speak for a few minutes before she gets into her Mom’s green Buick Skylark.

I again bicycle to Ursuline September 22, October 14 and 22, 1977. Marialuisa is elated to see me. Francesca though appears increasingly sullen and borderline resentful. I did not like that, and made sure to remain a friend, for instance asking about how she liked Ursuline. In each of these instances I would converse for a while with the mom, before the girls would arrive and then shortly afterwards drive away. That left precious little time for talking with either of the sisters. During one of those conversations in front of Ursuline with the Mom in her green Buick Skylark, in response to me telling her about Model United Nations, the Mom tells me about something called “Model Congress”.

In December 1977 I send a number of people Christmas cards, one of them to Marialuisa. Via phone eavesdropping days later, I hear Francesca telling my sister Lisa that “I hate your brother for sending my older sister a Christmas card” and that “my older sister is embarrassed” and … [roughly] “does not want me talking about it”. Marialuisa sends me a cordial letter, telling me that her interest in photography has lapsed, and that she has already been accepted to Harvard, Yale, Princeton and Georgetown.

1978 was when things went array between Marialuisa and myself.

 In early 1978, I telephone the house three times. The first time, I get the middle sister Francesca. I try to get into a conversation with her, asking her about how she’s doing with the transition from Thornton Donovan to Ursuline. But she is somewhat sullen and resentful and does not want a conversation, and tells me her that her older sister Marialuisa is not at home. The second time, I get Marialuisa. She opens with asking me “If I would like to ask her something” which I nervously respond no as I want to talk to build up my courage to ask you out by talking a bit first, and she then responded not with a laugh but with resentment “oh I can’t talk very long as I’m expecting my boyfriend to call me”. The 3rd time I get the Mom, and I propose a birthday party for my sister Lisa who had been friends with Francesca at Thornton Donovan, and that Marialuisa attend, as Lisa and Marialuisa had been become acquainted when Lisa had visited the Gallozzi household to visit Francesca in late summer of 1977 (September 1). However the Mom is derisive of the idea ‘why would Marialuisa hang around with my sister as they were 3 years apart? Hmm, when that was the age spread between Francesca and myself, and the 1976 birthday party pictures with Marialuisa looking like ‘Jane’ 1971 had other girls not only Francesca’s age, but also Marialuisa’s age.

The next time I saw Marialuisa, she was like a different person then the exuberant girl that greeted me as I arrived on my bicycle in the immediately preceding late summer and autumn of 1977.

 A warning about complacency

That was at the New Rochelle High School Model Congress XIV, March 31-April 2, 1978.

I could see something was amiss with Marialuisa at the start when catching an eye glimpse with her in a medium blue 1960s stewardess style dress with nylons and black pump shoes. Strangely in looking at her face I almost see several faces all almost identical- an intuitive seeing of multiple personalities – or even past incarnations I may wonder in hindsight. So I discretely take myself and my sole school mate from T.D. accompanying me to this Model Congress XIV is Wayne Allyn Root (who was the Libertarian Party Vice Presidential candidate in 2008), to a table directly in front of that where Marialuisa was standing with a group of her Ursuline school mates. After about 5 minutes of waiting directly within her view for her to acknowledge me, I interrupt them to say hello to Marialuisa, who can only respond something like ‘huh’ with her friends asking who is that and all she could say was oh “no one,” acting weirdly unfriendly. Why not simply ‘that’s Douglas Willinger from Thornton Donovan, the school my sister Francesca attended through 6th grade’ This was a contrast to the girl whose face would light up greeting me on my bicycle the previous autumn.

Later that day she tells me ‘I really don’t understand what you see in me; I [Marialuisa] am really not a very nice person.”

Any time I walked up to her to attempt to initiate a conversation hoping say to discuss something political -- as this was Model Congress -- she retort that she was in a private conversation, never mind that such were with fellow schoolmates that she saw nearly daily for years, and all she had to do was at some point make some time for me one on one and with some of her friends. At no point did I try to hug or kiss her or In any overt way act as a boyfriend rather than simply a friend that happens to be a boy, for I was unsure of the exact status of our relationship, and of course her relationships- e.g. how many other boys out there and possibly within her general Ursuline-Iona-Fordham catholic school empire vied for being her boyfriend? Or one of her boyfriends? Surely I was not the only boy interested in her, nor I the only boy she was interested in.

I find out from some of her friends that she is an atheist. And that she thinks that the National Maximum Speed Limit of 55 mph was a good idea, as did most our age at that time with little or no thought- with me being in the minority. Yikes- another person following the lamestream media than their own observations, such as the increased ration of multi-car accidents.  Good design makes faster autos way safer than slower oxe carts- with this girl being the Ursuline 1978 Valedictorian. But this is what I heard through her friends, and not from her. The atheism thing reminds me of something that I had heard from Francesca at T.D. a year earlier, that the stories of religion were all man made fables to keep us good, according to their Dad. And as I suspect would follow, that emotions are a disease to be suppressed as there is no spirituality, only random occurrences of brain activity, the Dad being of a class of people with perhaps the worst understanding of the human-spiritual condition- medical school graduates during the 1950s.

The second day- April 1. She greets me at a distance with an exacerbated sigh- the first time I heard her version of what I now call the deep sigh of the Triple Headed Goddess, the other two entities here being the Middle Sister Francesca, and the Mom. She is wearing a blue sweater with some round bronze or gold colored religious medal, white skirt, nylons and white strap high heel open shoes. Mid-day, I send her a note via a fellow schoolmate. I engage her in some conversation with others more or less normally in contrast to the rest of the weekend. She takes offense when I say ‘speak of the devil’ in reference to middle sister, to which I just quickly apologize rather than say something like well she did give me the devil of a time. With a bit of further conversation, she perks up a bit like her normal nice personality was starting to come back, and even says goodbye to me with a smile, making me look forward to seeing her again later that night as I figure that she needs to spread her time around with different people for a while, as can normally be expected at any sort of conference. Yet in about 1 or 2 hours later, when we run into each other again she pulls me aside, to tell me “ I do not want you hanging out with me because you are making my friends feel uncomfortable”, and “you are not my boyfriend, you are my sisters boyfriend”. Yikes! A couple hours later at the end of the Saturday evening festivities, walking out of the rear of the school, I turn to see her head turning rapidly away to hide from me as she sits in the front passenger seat of a blue Mercedes, being unfriendly.  Sitting at the seat of that Mercedes is an older man, perhaps a grandfather as the lower part of his face was way too aged to be a man - her father, an Italian anesthesiologist - was born Feb. 1929 - only 49.

The third day- April 2. I look inside the Model Congress U.S. Senate, and as soon as my eyes hit the back of her head, she turns around to look directly at me, with me being utterly spooked and turning away myself. Yikes she’s like evil given her behavior the previous day, yet there appears to be a psychic connection. She ends the day and thus this 3 day Model Congress XIV weekend with me by telling me that ‘I never want you to speak to me again’.  Naturally this sad weekend experience grossed me out, making me ask myself - I was in love with that?! ‘Jane’ was my girlfriend openly in front of the entire Hudson Country Day School Summer Camp throughout July and a few days into August of that final season ending in the torching of the EF Ward ‘Homewood’ mansion, August 26, 1971. Yet Model Congress XIV Marialuisa acted all weird and embarrassed at me being around her. I figure that my lost love ‘Jane’ would have never behaved like that. Yech. As I saw this back then, NO WAY was that the same person. ‘Jane’ 1971 had to have been someone else- a DOPPLEGANGER - a so far unsolved mystery.

New Rochelle HS

Marialuisa Gallozzi 1st place speaking award
April 2, 1978
New Rochelle HS Model Congress XIV

So I figure that if I had any romantic feelings lingering in my subconscious nous for Marialuisa, it’s because she merely looks like ‘Jane’ 1971, rather than being the same person.

Whatever the case, something was definitely “up” with Marialuisa at that time as evidenced by her senior year 1978 Ursuline yearbook portrait which I saw years later with her looking pissed off about something- those large brown eyes being revealing.

Indeed, a month later, some TD students distributing flyers at Ursuline, advertising our school fair told me that they saw the older and middle Gallozzi sisters, with Marialuisa telling them that she would vomit if she saw me again.

For about the next two years that was how I felt about her. She was off to Harvard, and I was off to New Rochelle HS for grades 11 and 12, having ended a 4 year run at Thornton Donovan. I figured at the time (1978-early 1980) that the negative Marialuisa at Model Congress XIV was the “real” Marialuisa, out of sight of her Mom, and the positive Marialuisa of autumn 1977 was just her being polite for her Mom- never mind though she had looked genuinely elated with her face lighting up when I showed up at Ursuline on my bicycle. That is, until experiencing some observations with her Mom and Francesca, and seeing a possibility that perhaps Marialuisa was not intrinsically bad, but rather influenced badly at home- and in today’s hindsight, to a degree far far worse than I would have then (pre-1983) imagined.

With ‘Spunky’ Francesca, I saw a growing resentment, for rather than being able to simply talk with each other as friends in 1976 or 1977, by 1979 I could see her developing problems in simply speaking with me. In 1979, I am standing talking to someone, and Francesca walks in to stand next to me, and turning to see that it is me turns white as a sheet as she lets out one of her trademarkable deep exacerbated sighs and runs away. I see the Mom in Wykagyl, New Rochelle. She was pleasant as she always had been to me; we converse for about 5 minutes before Francesca returned, saying nothing- that was in February 1979. We did not discuss Marialuisa.

Yet the next time I saw the Mom, in November 1979, she was like a different person: icy cold, minimal conversation. It was as if her opinion and outlook upon me had turned 180 degrees with a personality shift reminding me of that of Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader. What could have happened between February and November 1979- asides from Francesca seeing me at that year’s Ursuline Fair, to turn the Mom into She-Vader? Strangely this occurred with my having no contact with either of the sisters.

Whatever happened, I get zero opportunity to run into Marialuisa, until 1984, leaving the ghastly 3 day Model Congress XIV experience as my main memory of her, making it impossibly awkward or weird to think of writing say a love letter, given that I had concluded that the girl I knew as ‘Jane’ in 1971 at Hudson Camp was someone else, and that any residual crush simply a mind-fuck owing to the physical resemblance with ‘Jane’. But still, by mid-1980, I was then okay with the idea of eventually looking her up if only as an old friend, and am curious to find her to see if there was any spark, or a mere mirage owing to the physical resemblance to ‘Jane’. I do however have numerous encounters with Francesca, effectively defined to me by Marialuisa at Model Congress XIV as my girlfriend. Because I was always found of her as a friend anyway, I seek her out in visiting Ursuline in Spring 1980, finding her on and around her April 30 birthday now at the age of 14 and no longer the prepubescent shin-kicker of lore, and call her a ‘spunky woman’. She was boiling mad, and we eventually encounter each other and exchange words where she tells me that she hates me with deep sighs. She sort of reminded me as a milder version of the Carrie Fisher figure in the Blues Brothers. I was highly impressed that this woman was definitely an ancient she spirit and ancient companion- of sorts.

By college, where I went away in August 1980 and not hitting upon any potential female she-spirit sparks, I naturally think back to the sisters. Because of my interpretations of Marialuisa’s Model Congress XIV behavior – that it was a reflection of her natural feelings that she did not want me as her boyfriend, rather than her Mom breaking us up to placate Francesca – Francesca then looked to be the logical alternative.

I do try seeing the older sister without luck and with mathematical probabilities suggesting that this was not then meant to be. For instance, I attend the Harvard Model U.N. in early 1981, I telephone her the next day. She is not hostile. When I ask if I may see her she says no as that she thinks it would not be a good idea. Yet the previous day when I figured that I would just show up at her dormitory’s cafeteria that turned out to be the one day that month that she did not sign in to eat, by happenstance.

Late that summer I send her a letter to her at her Harvard address, letting her know that I would like to see her. I get no reply.

In 1982, I get a job working in Bronxville, N.Y. which is where I have occasionally seen the mom and the middle sister but never the older sister. I figure that the older sister has no romantic interest in me, but that the middle sister did.

In late November 1982, the Mom insists that the older one never had any romantic interest. But that I “betrayed a friendship” with the middle sister who I remembered very well blushing red upon being called “Mrs. Willinger”.

So I attempt a reconciliation with the middle sister, and with the older sister as a friend with me believing that she did not have romantic feelings for me, and that her early friendliness was purely platonic. After all I never saw her teased about wanting to be my wife. I figure it’s a situation as with my uncle Lee, who had his interest in an older sister who did not share his feelings turned to the younger sister.

In December 1982, I send a pair of Christmas cards. One just friendly to Marialuisa; the other more promising to Francesca the one I’ve seen blush red when called “Mrs. Willinger”.

The response? None by letter phone nor visit, but with a late January or early February 1983 attempt to talk to the middle sister, she goes to a policeman to tell me that she did not want to ever speak to me again, while declining to have me actually arrested. I got the feeling not so much of disappointment but subconsciously a relief as I now realized that such was not meant to be as anything romantic, with me getting the feeling that she is not actually the one for me, even as I believe she did have such feelings for me, yet somehow saw the situation as perhaps unworkable. Hmm.

The Dad, starts calling our house, asking to speak to my Dad. He has this thick northern Italian accent. He threatens me with legal action.  He acts surprised that I switched my romantic interest, perhaps unaware that I felt that the older sister had no such interest in me whereas the younger one did- and with me unaware that I had been wrong about the older sister. Hmm.

However, the dad was not admitting any such thing asides from both sisters being furious at me.  According to him, Francesca never had a crush on me, and Marialuisa never even looked at me, to which I replied that he needed to get his daughters better and make his own observations rather than pander to such absurdities before he slammed the phone.

A subsequent phone call with the Dad and a distraught Mom were on the phone with my Dad, yielding that the Mom had broken up the older sister Marialuisa and I back in early 1978- and if I had known that, would have not bothered with Francesca, except strictly as a friend. That would explain why Marialuisa was so screwed up that Model Congress XIV April 1 weekend, steering me away from her and towards Francesca in the first place.  Although the Mom admitted to breaking up Marialuisa and I, and insists that I betrayed a friendship with Francesca, the Dad kept insisting that the entire relationship was simply one way.


As if deceiving me into believing that Marialuisa was not interested in me would not destabilize this family of old female spirits.

Apparently the Mom broke up Marialuisa and I in early 1978 in response to the cries of Francesca complaining that I had chosen her sister Marialuisa instead of herself as my girlfriend, plus the perception that I had met Francesca first. I had not then figured that sending a Christmas card or letters to Marialuisa towards the start of 1978 would have led to such treacherous inter-family dynamics, as there had not been anything racier than ‘you have beautiful large brown eyes and smile’.

I would have then guessed that the Mom would have responded by allowing some chaperoned dates, and perhaps moderately discouraged Marialuisa from me by encouraging her to date other guys, as she had already been accepted to Harvard for the autumn 1978 incoming class, and it was probably expected that she would meet someone there. But I had not counted on the outright treachery of actively turning Marialuisa against me.

The Mom admits to some sort of fight between the sisters over me for which the Mom forbade either of them to have anything to do with me- perhaps that was what happened sometime during 1979?

Meanwhile the Dad continued to insist that neither girl ever liked me in response to hearing all of this!

What a triangle.

I get this flashback of the middle sister in some past life serving me tea! And to think that I considered her as having a steam kettle like personality. Could have been the 1800s, or the 1700s, or perhaps both. WTF- I’m thinking, this head trip of a set of female she spirits representing something far older and ancient than our current lives. Am not thinking that she is the girl for me that I briefly thought might be, but rather an ancient sidekick with feelings for me that she need not have, as a sister confused as a wife.

And that this drama is one that's ancient.

Middle sister and I inadvertently caught glimpses of each other about 4 times within 5 years, one time (1984) in Bronxville, N.Y., another (1986) in the lobby of the Central Avenue Yonkers Movieland in 1986 on the opening night of “Crocodile Dundy”, and in March 1988 on the eastbound side sidewalk through downtown Bronxville, N.Y. at about 2 blocks distant and she has ALREADY discerned me at that distance, as I see in her stanch facing ahead and down with the burn of a restrained anger in her eyes. God help us. That must have been one hellacious cat-fight between the sisters regarding yours truly. It certainly induced feelings of sorry for the Mom, except for the fact that her own interventions ended up making things way worse, by making me falsely think that Marialuisa was uninterested in me.

Strangely, I get this intuition that I actually did the right thing for some esoteric political reason for going as steered. One regarding a picture far greater than us.

So I figured, what’s up with the older sister Marialuisa?  As it turned out, she entered N.Y.U. Law School. So this I had to see.  It is on or about November 19, 1984, inside NYU Law hallway, and I see her come around a corner, looking unhappy, miserable and focused. She is wearing pantaloons with boots, as she was when I last saw her April 2, 1978. She has done something awful with her hair, with an awful perm in in what appeared to me as an attempt to dumb down her looks. I call out her name “Marialuisa!”

She turns towards me. She recognizes me within a fraction of a second, shown by her face draining white with fear and responding: “I don’t know you, I don’t know you, “That’s really quite nice”. "I don't know you".

When I mention that I went to school with her middle sister, “don’t you remember me, I went to school with your sister Francesca”, she starts crying. “I don’t know you, I don’t know you, I don’t know you”

Such a reaction.

And if ever in a position with a proverbial finger on the button for anything regarding me, I would suspect the worst.

Such dynamics.

Is this simply a girl that I developed a crush upon because she just looked like my long lost ‘Jane’ 1971?  A doppelganger?

Yet such a response for a brief teenage dalliance?

Or rather, she acts like she is my long lost love ‘Jane’ 1971?  And if so- WTF?!   She introduced the negativity into our relationship, behaving so miserably to me in 1978- crashing our relationship. And to be fair, what exactly went on in that she-spirit household, with the Mom claiming that I had betrayed a friendship offered to me at Thornton Donovan by Francesca claiming she was being betrayed presumably for having met me first when she may have damn well known otherwise. Whatever happened there in early 1978 with the Mom breaking us up would make a great Joan Crawford type drama movie- shot in black and white with an emphasis on character depth and plot twists of a deception over just which sister had me first.

It’s so surreal.

I did not then know the significance of Francesca’s birthdate April 30, 1966 - it appeared like having the reincarnation of Lilith who had insisted upon wanting to be Adam’s Wife, because she had him before the creation of Eve.  Nor was I always aware of the meaning of the name “Marialuisa” -- Mary = Mother + Louise = Warrior -- especially combined with the earth motheresque birthday of December 22- the Winter Solstice.

Whatever went on at the Gallozzi house at 33 Parkway East in early 1978 and later must have been something like Joan Crawford's 1962 movie ‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane [Hudson]’ where the viewer does not know, until later, which sister was in which position when one attempted to run down the other with their automobile.

Of course I am too awe struck by the sight of this older sister and her reaction to ask any of this to her.   I got the distinct impression that Marialuisa is not seeing how she set herself up for that 5 years earlier at Model Congress XIV.

The Dad calls the house. He acts surprised when My Mom tells him that I already told her about my encounter with the older sister at N.Y. University Law School. I want to call her but my Mom dissuades me.

By early 1985, I visit Hudson Country Day School. They know nothing, telling me that there was not a girl there in 1971 named “Jane”, though denying nothing else. I could have asked if there had been a girl by the name of "Marialuisa Sabina" at the Hudson Day Camp in 1971, but do not want to introduce the name myself instead wanting to hear it from someone from Hudson first.

I see Marialuisa briefly again at NYU Law School in April 1986. She’s wearing a pink sweater, pantaloons, with flower pattern stockings and white pumps. I want to tell her that her pride will deny her happiness. Yet I am awe struck in terror to the pit of my soul when I see the blazing fury in her eyes- indeed eyes like hurricanes - and am too chicken or smart to follow her as she bolted off to class. And I get this strange thought that “I could make a fortune if I could just bottle that essence”. Ironically it was later that day I first time saw an “illumine Storm” lamp.

As of this 2013 writing, that was our last direct encounter, and my last opportunity to gauge her mindset towards me.

In 1987 I stumble upon the issue that would ultimately lead to our paths crossing again, with the story of the man whose very name cries out as the esoteric name of this “Angel of Fran and Mary” – Angelo Francois Mariani, the popularizer of Coca, born December 17, 1838, died April 1, 1914. Coca is to cocaine as Coffee is to caffeine and Tobacco is to nicotine. “Cocaine” was remembered favorably legitimately because it had been used as caffeine and nicotine are used indirectly; it had been used in such dilute dosages with beverages as the original Coca-Cola, and of course the chief Coca product “Vin Mariani”, bottled by Angelo Francois Mariani, before the government decided to define cocaine as strictly a drug of abuse with the Harrison ‘Narcotic’ Act in 1914.

With the cocaine prohibition related hysteria in the mainstream media the previous year with the cocaine overdose fatality of Len Bias, a University of Maryland draft pick for the Boston Celtics basketball team, I became intensely interested in studying the history of “cocaine” – which I personally had two thoughts about respectively as a lad in 1971 and 1977.

- That cocaine itself was not addictive but rather superior then caffeine when used as caffeine – e.g. drank in dilute solution – and way worse than heroin when used as heroin e.g. injected: this in response to a 3rd grade anti drug education session.

- That Coca Cola removed the cocaine only 2 or 3 years after 1900, and that such beverages where what a particular school mate at Thornton Donovan School – Francesca Gallozzi – would have drank a century ago as it gave her extra spunk: this in response to an assertion made by the T.D. headmaster Douglas Fleming at an April 1977 meeting of the T.D. 'Headmaster's Advisory Committee' that the drink had been the ‘real thing’ when he was a child.

Angelo Francois Mariani
popularizer of Coca
b December 17, 1838 - d April 1, 1914

I first learn about Angelo Mariani, Vin Mariani and the identity of the culture upon picking up a copy of the book ‘Cocaine- a History of its Social uses and Effects' in April 1987 at a book store in Yonkers N.Y.:

Angelo Mariani was born in Bastia, a major city of Corsica, of a family of physicians and chemists. 

His adult life was devoted to studying coca and finding a way to capture its essence in an appetizing and marketable form.  An earlier Corsican more vividly captured the world’s imagination but his conquest were neither as extensive nor as long-lived as Mariani’s, whose coca products were sold all over the Western Hemisphere for more than thirty years.  Napolean led his armies to glory, but Mariani performed a more useful service – he gave his followers pleasure and a sense of well-being.  Pope Leo XIII, who for many years was “supported in his ascetic retirement by a preparation if Mariani’s Coca,” expressed his ecclesiastical approval by presenting Mariani with a gold medal and citing him as a benefactor of humanity.  The president of the Academie des Beaux Arts did likewise.  The composers Gounod, Faure, and Massenet extolled him in song.  The most distinguished physicians of the era offered glowing testimonials:
Dr. Charles Fauvel of Paris, an early and noted cocaine researcher –
“Thanks to Mariani wine I have been able to restore the voice of many lyric artists who would have been unable without this potent agent to give their performances.”
Dr. J. Leonard Corning of New York, who first suggested the use of cocaine for spinal anesthesia ---
“Of Vin Mariani I need hardly speak as the medical profession is already aware of its virtues.  Of all the tonic preparations ever introduced to the notice of the profession, this is undoubtedly the most potent for good in the treatment of exhaustive and irritative conditions of the central nervous system.
Endorsements from eminent personages were so numerous that Mariani, an exceedingly shrewd public relations man, compiled and published them in a handsome biographical encyclopedia.  Each well-known endorser of Vin Mariani was accorded an entry which included an outline of his [or her]] career, an etched portrait and suitable quotation from his testimonials.  The encyclopedia, a deluxe production with the best of paper, typography, and binding, ran to several large volumes and quickly became a collector’s set.  Queen Victoria, on receiving a set, wrote Mariani that she considered the volumes the “finest specimens in her collection.” …
Mariani introduced his wine [Vin Mariani] to the public in either 1863 or 1865.  In 1872 he published a short article “La coca du Perou” in a small therapeutic journal.  This effort was followed in 1878 by the first two volumes on the history and therapeutic applications of coca; the second volume appeared in 1888 and a translation was published in New York in 1896.
All of Mariani’s coca products – and in addition to Vin Mariani, there were Mariani’s Elixir, Mariani’s lozenges, Mariani’s pastilles, and mariani’s tea – contained generous portions of coca’s chief alkaloid cocaine.  Their popularity was so great that Mariani became the largest importer of coca leaves in Europe, surpassing even those pharmaceutical houses which manufactured great quantities of cocaine.
According to the most knowledgeable historian of coca, Mariani knew more about the chemistry of coca than anyone in Europe or North America.  And judging by the success of his business ventures, he had few peers as an entrepreneur.  But he was more than an able chemist with finely honed business instincts – he was something of an alchemist who apparently believed that in coca he had found the philosopher’s stone, the very elixir of life.  He was also, as you might expect, a lover of coca” “… Coca is the hobby of Mariani.  It is his recreation, his relaxation and constant source of pleasure, wholly removed from sordid commercial interests.  At Neui lly, on the Seine, Paris, France, where his laboratory is located, his study is tastefully arranged with rich tapestries and carvings, in which the … Coca leaf and flower are so artistically used as the motif of decoration that they are not obtrusive.
And from the book 'Coca Exotica' by Joseph Kennedy:
Two years after Mariani produced his first bottle of coca wine, he was approached by Dr. Charles Fauvell, a Paris laryngolist, and asked to make a special coca preparation for use in a doctor’s clinic.  Fauvell had an idea that coca may affect the mucous membraine of the larynx in such a way as to relieve the throat pain often experienced by professional singers and public speakers.  He also suspected its importance as a tensor of the vocal chords.  Mariani was more than eager to lend a hand in support of the therapeutic use of coca and he quickly filled Fauvell’s prescription.  Armed with the Mariani preparation and a good working hypothesis, Fauvell began making local applications of coca for the purpose of anesthesia.  His success in treating the singers of Paris became well known in the local music profession and because of his work, French vocal instructors of the day had pupils sip Mariani’s wine during rehearsals as well as recitals. While Fauvell’s idea found favor with hundreds of opera stars and stage sopranos, his medical support for the first modern application of local anesthesia numbered only three.  Dr. Morell Mackenzie and Dr. Lennox Browne of England, as well as Dr. Louis Elsberg of America, travelled to Paris to observe Fauvell’s clinical successes firsthand.  They were so impressed that they began to use coca in their own practices And EACH became a supporter as well as imitator of Charles Fauvell.

I subsequently learn more by October 1987 upon contacting Michael and Michelle Aldrich, curators of the Fitz High Ludlow Memorial Library and founder of the early 1970s pro legalization of drugs other than Marijuana group Amorphia. He refers me to an article by a Walter Hefland with Mariani’s full name “Angelo Francois Mariani”.

And he sends me a letter, informing me of the birth and death dates of Mariani, and that a ‘Chas Vermeulen Windsant’ in Amsterdam, the Netherlands, developed an obsession about the Angelo Francois Mariani – Vin Mariani story in the Spring of 1978. In particular, he was interested in that spooky sounding April 1, 1914 dated death: that Windsant was planning a ‘quasi fictional novel on the death’. The death was strange for having a police certificate, perhaps suggestive of foul play. And in the absence of anything obvious as say a gunshot or knife wound, this is suggestive that Mariani was poisoned.

When I finally met Windsant (or his ‘twin’ brother- I never saw both together) in 1989 or 1990, he got cagey when I asked him about his Spring 1978 epiphany about Mariani and his death for such a ‘quasi fictional novel’, and if this epiphany occurred on the anniversary April 1, 1978; and attempted to deny his specific interest in the death. Yet Windsant would exclaim to me that Mariani was THE central figure, what I would define as the reincarnated Adam, Moses, Abraham, King Arthur or perhaps Benjamin Franklin. Take that together with a death only a few months before the outbreak of the so-called ‘Great War’, one can ask if it was a Camelot gone wrong scenario, something like a Masonic image of the M Figure and the broken column?  For those acknowledging reincarnation, look out for this couple, for a mandatory Camelot Ritual.

Valescure - St. Rapael - Villa Mariani
where Angelo Francois Mariani died April 1, 1914

In 1987 and 1988, I begin writing some letters to the editor of the Westchester County, N.Y. Gannett Westchester newspapers.  In December 1987, I wrote the following, which was published January 4, 1988:
While the abuse of various drugs is a problem, it would be considered insane to advocate the jailing of users and dealers of alcohol to fight alcoholism- remember prohibition? Our drug policies create and compound very real drug problems- the perversion of cocaine use. Before criminalization, most cocaine was consumed in the form of coca leaf beverages as Coca-Cola, until the removal of the 14 coca alkaloids in 1903 for political reasons, and the original coca tonic, Vin Mariani (Pope Leo XIII's and Thomas Edison's favorite beverage). There were no problems with these products, no overdoses - impossible because of the diffuse form -- and no addicts. Problems with cocaine came with intravenous use and the sniffing of the concentrate which was sold as a hay fever and catarrh remedy. These uses of the concentrate invited overuse often with disastrous results. 
Because of the medical establishment's fascination with refined white powders and their rejection of natural medicines in the proper diffuse forms, certain medical interests chose to blame the drug instead of their unwise practice. Congress was conned to enact the 1914 Harrison Act ban on coca leaf - equal penalties for an ounce of coca leaves or of an ounce of the refined pure drug, even though the leaf is only 0.5 percent cocaine - and the AMA and the APA had their drug monopoly of dubious constitutionality.
Such crusades survive only as long as the masses are conned into believing that such despicable policies - while we push physically addicting carcinogenic tobacco upon the world - are actually good.

It’s a crazed war that’s continued since 1914, of the government prohibitionist policies of perverting Coca leaves which contain small amounts of the drug cocaine into a mode of drug taking that would be akin to replacing Coffee with white powder caffeine. I see her name re-appear in a potentially interestingly strategic place, following my seeking out an organization as a platform for the legalization and re-popularization of Coca and Opium- thus an organization asides those devoted strictly to Marijuana.  It was strangely unsurprising to see the re-emergence of her name in a letter dated March 1990 appearing as the preface of the 1988-89 Biennial Report of the Washington, D.C. based Drug Policy Foundation:

"While the Drug Policy Foundation has outstanding counsel in Kevin Zeese, the leading Washington law firm of Covington and Burling accepted the Foundation as a pro bono public client in regard to corporate and tax matters in 1988. We have received valuable advice from Marialuisa Gallozzi, the Covington and Burling associate assigned to take primary responsibility for advising the Foundation. Having Covington and Burling in our corner is a source of great comfort.”

The Drug Policy Foundation was established in 1986 in response to the hysteria regarding cocaine, remember Len Bias, to address drug prohibition not simply limited to Cannabis. By late 1987 I established my awareness of the coca issue. I began attending the DPF’s annual conferences in 1989, and subsequently formally participated by having my papers published in their 1990, 1991 and 1992 conference paper compendiums, and by being placed upon the cocaine panels in 1991 and 1992, plus a second panel in 1992. So far so good.

November 1990; “The Great Issues of Drug Policy”“The Ever-Changing, Ever-Confused Popular Conception of Cocaine”, by Douglas A. Willinger

November 1991; “New Frontiers in Drug Policy”“Cocaine Prohibition, Water or Gasoline…?” by Douglas A. Willinger

November 1992; “Strategies for Change”,“Cocaine Conversion: Onwards to Coca” by Douglas A. Willinger

The latter two papers mention that I am was studying at the American University in Washington D.C. where I had studied in an un-matriculated status under Dr. Arnold S. Trebach, during the fall 1991 semester and into the autumn 1992 semester, prior to the late 1992-early 1993 refusal of the AU Dean, without any hearing whatsoever, to admit me, despite my admission having the support of my faculty.

I promote the idea of drug domestication- replacing concentrated cocaine with dilute coca preparations, and replacing powder drugs in general with infinitely safer plant like potency forms, ultimately deglamorizing and de-popularizing hard, re concentrated forms for drugs. Imagine a reality where Coffee and caffeine were banned and all that was popularly known was white powder caffeine taken more directly.  After all, how many people looked forward to getting shots as children?

In December 1992, roughly 4 weeks after the 1992 DPF conference, the Washington City Paper runs a front page article “Just Say Whoa!” on the drug policy reform movement focusing upon the November 1992 conference of the DPF, the 5th page of the article has this picture of me waiting to talk to Ethan Nadelmann as he talks to someone with their back to the camera. The Washington City Paper has a circulation in the 100,000s and was seen by people across the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area.

I am subsequently blackballed by the DPF (and its successor entity the Drug Policy Alliance). Asides from the COCA 95 panel, the DPF/DPA never places me upon a panel, and they never again published anything from me, after the 1992 conference. And not for me not trying. I submit numerous proposals. These include panel proposals as, in 1994, Coca- Turning Over A New Leaf Towards Reducing Health Care Costs to be moderated by Harvard’s Dr. Lester Grinspoon, and in 1997, Tinctures of Opium Wines of Coca Popular Pre Prohibition Uses of Plants Perverted Into White Powder Poisons of Abuse. Dr. Grinspoon would telephone DPF’s Arnold Trebach to personally ask him to include the panel, with Trebach refusing and hanging up the phone on Grinspoon. They do approve my 1999 proposal for a History Panel though refuse to put me on the panel, nor anyone with a presentation on coca.  This was likewise with that panel the next time it was held in 2003. Coca and cocaine are topics to be expunged from history- lest people learn about the connection with coca-cocaine prohibition and tobacco protectionism.

It is as if the DPF was being advised as ‘we can't address cocaine as people are not sophisticated enough to understand the differences between plant drugs and powder drugs.’ That was the gist of what I heard from Ira Glasser at the 1997 DPF conference ‘Cocaine Rountable’ who would only answer me with a stone faced silence when I would ask “What about coca?” Glasser had actually been friendly and open when we first met at the 1993 DPF with UK journalist Anita Bennett about the therapeutic use of coca for reducing instances of prolonged labor and thus the increased likelihood of brain damage in newly born, and told me that he wanted to do more on coca. However subsequently Glasser never followed through, and would never again speak to me ever again as if advised so perhaps by some looking out for big pharmaceutical interests. And/or perhaps a personal grudge.

The DPF’s regularly scheduled conference panel on cocaine would disappear starting in 1993, nevermind that the DPF had been founded in 1986 or 1987 in response to the hysteria over cocaine.

Indeed it was as if the DPF was receiving a slew of such bad advice from some source starting in 1993. They start touting a concept of “HARM REDUCTION”- so far good. Yet it’s castrated. No talk about drug domestication. Only talk about the worst existing forms of drugs, preserving that in a regime of decriminalization and medicalization – bureaucratization to prop up things as crystal meth, crack and injectionable drugs, while domestication, the eventual replacement of toxic hard drugs with lower potency plant drugs with things as Opium and Coca have become topics forbidden. I would like to know about any such potential advice regarding the legalization or libralisation of the prohibition of drugs other than Marijuana.

My argument is drug domestication- making drugs available in safer forms. The argument of the DPF and DPA is of drug decriminalization with medicalization of the drugs in their existing forms. That’s why we hear the DPA write about decriminalizing or legalizing crack, crank (crystal meth) and heroin with needles. But no discussion of the plants perverted by prohibition of opium and coca. Drug domestication was a topic in my 3rd and final published by the DPF article Cocaine Conversion Onwards to Coca. Drug domestication makes drugs safer for people, but more dangerous to corporations by making the drugs more competitive to existing legal drugs from Coffee and Tobacco, to pharmaceuticals. And neither that paper nor my two others published by the DPF are found in their on line library, even though a 1989 DPF published article on coca by Anthony Richard Henman is included.

Whoever is guilty of issuing such advice ought to consider burning their college diploma in effigy.

USDA studied the feasibility of growing Coca and other drug crops, 
reported in The Boston Sunday Globe January 10, 1904

 Cigarette sales spiked with 'drug' restriction/prohibition acts of 1906, 1914 and 1937

There are indeed at least two potential dimensions to this- exoteric and esoteric. There’s the former: the pharma- mercantilism angle that I have published much about. Her law firm Covington & Burling is perhaps the top powerhouse law firm within Washington, D.C. It was founded by a key figure in the creation of the 1914 Harrison ‘Narcotics’ Act, who that year became a judge who went on to uphold that Act- 1909-1914 U.S. Congressman James Harry Covington. It is perhaps the top big food-pharmaceutical-Tobacco industry representative law firm, and it is the law firm that has long coordinated the defense of the Tobacco industry. It is the law firm of Eric Holder and Lenny Breuer of the U.S. Department of Justice (Breuer has since returned to Covington), with Holder as Attorney General with the power under the Controlled Substances Act to reschedule drugs. For instance he could reschedule Marijuana. Yet he refuses to do so.

Eric Holder is a pharmaceutical industry attorney; so is the one “assigned primary responsibility to advise” the Drug Policy Foundation. Was this intended to throttle the rate of drug policy reform, to keep it focused upon chipping at the edges rather than ending it swiftly? ‘Drug’ prohibition after all is a form of mercantilism. Is it that Covington has too much conflicts of interest?

Coca Feared by U.S.D.A. as a 'Tobacco Habit Cure'

Covington & Burling is not just another law firm

Co Founded by James Harry Covington - a U.S. Congressman with Food and Drug Law evolution into the 1914 Harrison 'Narcotics' Act

JH Covington Becomes Judge and Up-Holds Harrison 'Narcotics' Act

Covington & Burling Tobacco

Covington & Burling - Drug Policy Reform Bottleneck or Facilitator?

Covington & Burling Food & Drug Practices

Covington & Burling Pharma attorney Eric Holder's Law Firm

DPF - Covington & Burling Legal Connection

DPF Advised by Covington & Burling Food, Drug & Insurance Attorney

DPF-DPA Mismanaged - Plausibly BADLY Advised

Pro Bono Programs: Seen as Total Bullshit and/or Public Relations

Standing Up For Drug Policy Reform At the Center of the Universe

I started this blog focus in March 2008, by reporting upon this connection.

Than I published a panel proposal submitted for the 2009 and 2011 DPA conferences, plus a February 2009 article “Coca Come Back”.

In 2011 I publish a series of articles questioning this program.

The DPA continues to refuse to publish me or place me upon any panels.

In 2012 I publish a mock April 1 interview as satire on the pro bono program’s unanswered questions, and unrealized potential, plus as a means of education about the tobacco versus coca health disaster issue. I do an expanded version for 2013.

For the 2013 conference, the DPA announces they are no longer accepting proposals for conference panels, only for individual presentations within the panels already selected by within the DPA.  On August 20, 2013 I receive this from the DPA:
Thank you for your continued interest in the conference and for always bringing this topic to us.  For 2013, we considered the topic of coca, but felt that it could not carry a whole session.  We expect it to be addressed on sessions where discussion of the Latin American scene will take place, of which there will be at least two.

Please do keep doing your important work, and hope to see you in Denver.
This is despite DPA's Ethan Nadelmann telling me in 2011 that there would be a Coca panel at the 2013 conference.

And there is the esoteric: The timing of my blackballing and of the escalation of questionable-bad advice, relative to that ‘Just Say Whoa’ City Paper photograph. I am clearly visible in that photo. And there is someone ‘assigned primary responsibility for advising the foundation’ that I have known personally, that I would be exceptionally worried about with such a hammer position over me from what I saw of her at law school (and who would not need to see my actual name in print).

The information about my work, e.g. my focus upon coca, was easily available from the printed schedules from the conferences, as well as the conference paper compendiums, to see my panel appearances and my published articles, enabling a personal targeting. Such advice was apparently by someone with a pro pharmaceutical – and conceivably personally anti Douglas Willinger bent.

It would destroy my potential career at the DPF/DPA, preventing me from formally participating at the conferences as I had in 1990-1992, nor conceivably from ever getting hired by them. I know that Marialuisa has been with Covington apparently continuously since; that Covington works closely with groups as the Drug Policy Foundation from a proclamation in 2005, 4 years after the DPF was rebranded as the DPA; and that Marialuisa is still involved with the pro bono program.  So it is a fair question to ask just what advice has she or anyone else in such a position given to the DPF/DPA?

Apparently someone higher up in or over the DPF was advising Arnold Trebach to oppose ever publishing me after 1992, or placing me on panels, along with Ira Glasser, as well as Ethan Nadelmann, with Trebach’s 1997 ousting alas not improving matters. While being published and placed regularly upon panels by the DPF 1990-1992, I was given only one panel, and never ever published again by them or their post 2000 successor organization the Drug Policy Alliance, subsequent to that City Paper photograph of me. Like someone saw it and then said it like the title- ‘Just Say Whoa!”

In the entire time since she was initially given the assignment in 1988, asides from the March 1990 DPF 1988-89 Biennial Report preface letter, there has been no additional information. Indeed I would ask about it at the 2011 DPA conference, only to be told not to ask about it otherwise they will punish us by delaying things another 5 years. I figure why we would have already heard some info, perhaps had Gallozzi make a panel appearance at a DPA conference to discuss and answer questions about the pro bono program. Yet no information, only stonewalling.

It appears that the program may be a means to exert pharmaceutical and Tobacco industry influence over the DPF.  And it appears this may have been a personal thing.  Circumstantially.  My guess is that Covington & Burling has records of the advice their attorneys give out, and that they have already reviewed such, and it shows a correlation of such questionable destructive advice starting in 1993. By playing the role of attempting to popularize the coca issue within the movement against the drug war, the “Coca Doug” as I am known for my devotion to the issue, the “Angelo Francois Mariani” figure, once the “Angel of Francesca and Marialuisa” unwittingly guilty of spurring some fights between a certain set of sisters, I ended up with the situation with Marialuisa Gallozzi ‘assigned primary responsibility to advise the foundation’.

I figure what were the odds of that happening? 400 attorneys at the Washington D.C. offices of Covington & Burling, 80,000 attorneys in that city, and she got that assignment.

And likewise with that photo in the City Paper, where I am the only conference attendee asides from Bloom, Cowen, Trebach and Nadelmann to get so published, and my face is actually larger than Nadelmann in that same picture- and next to the phrase “Just Say Whoa”.

I call that fate.

I say, a group of us work together to end the war on drugs with all deliberate speed. Yes, let’s use that pro bono program for what it really needs to - a general lawsuit to strike down the Controlled Substances Act.  With her skills in forensics, Marialuisa Gallozzi could argue a case successfully before the U.S. Supreme Court that the Controlled Substance Act is unconstitutional.

The world has suffered through the years of the resurgence of the war on drugs.

The ‘war on drugs’ around since 1914 – the year Angelo Francois Mariani died April 1 -- by various names, has lingered on since long before the early 1970s as a multi-trillion $ cigarette protectionist boondoggle when then U.S. President Richard Nixon coined the phrase.

Think of it as a reality imprisoned with an obscene excessive pride- like governments that only seek to buttress an official ideology as in the old U.S.S.R. or the 20th century drug war, or a 55 mph National Maximum Speed Limit. Or like what was alas inside my beloved ‘Jane’ 1971 who spiraled downward, rather than snapping out of it.

Looking at the broader picture of the world suffering so much from this demonic pride, I say let’s do such a legal effort to end the war on drugs in time for the centennial of the Harrison Act which was signed into law December 17, 1914 and took effect February 1, 1915.

Let's end the war on drugs.

"The Farmer and the Cowman" is a song selected by Marialuisa for use in a paper about the food industry’s view of ‘plant based pharmaceuticals; the song is from the musical “Oklahoma”- which I participated in a school play version in March 1975 at the TD school ‘Emily Thornton Night’, where Marialuisa IIRC served as the pianist, as she likewise did in 1976.

*The house in Yonkers was a split foyer raised ranch with the bedrooms over the garages to the right, just like the ‘Jane’ 1971 house from the 1988 uncapping of a long blocked memory of returning the Indian tepee; internet records show that the family sold it in April 2002, and that it was constructed in 1965, making them the original inhabitants, and there in 1971.

**The Dad, an Italian anesthesiologist, has this super thick accent, presumably northern Italian accent, perhaps Milanese given the surname starting in “Gallo”- it’s the type of accent from the early 1988 uncapping of the blocked memory of returning the Indian tepee, of the screaming man insisting to not let me apologize to ‘Jane’.

*** ’Spunky’ Francesca, from information on the internet, got married in 1992 – the same year of that City Paper photo of me -- to a man who was studying to become a Jesuit priest, as of 2010 has a daughter and a son, and herself is a wiz in the field of ‘Early Childhood Development’.  She is a professor at two universities in southern California in the greater San Diego area, teaching courses as Music for Children, Early Childhood Development, and Child Abuse., see reviews.

Palomar College San Marcos Child Development
San Diego State University

She has maintained a blog ‘Francesca at World Forum’ reporting upon a 2009 trip she did to an event in Ireland.  And she is the Director (Headmaster) of the Children’s Development Center (pre-school) in San Marcos, California.  It somehow figures.

Remember when Sara in the Old Testament decided that she couldn't wait on the Lord's promise that she would conceive. She took Hagar, her servant to her husband Abraham so she could bare him an heir. Abraham lay with her and she brought forth Ishmael.  
Today, the Jews and Arabs fight and it all goes back to Sara making God's plan fit her time line. It never works when we take God out of the equation.

Addendum October 4, 2014

Was there perhaps a pharmacological factor in play?

Is there a place for the use of ketamine in plastic and reconstructive Surgery...   Annals of Plastic Surgery.

Ketamine provides analgesia and amnesia.  In small to moderate doses, it always enables near-normal respiration and circulation.  Airway reflexes are unusually maintained, and nausea and vomiting are infrequent.

The primary disadvantage is that of occasional emergence delirium or psychosis.  Such phenomena are readily treatable with sedatives and tranquilizers.

This anesthetic agent offers significant advantages that seem to make it attractive for use in outpatient surgery.  However, inducing unconsciously by any means entails certain risks to life.  The practitioner who undertakes to use a general anesthetic agent in the office must be prepared to deal with any complications that could reasonably be expected to arise.  

Adequately trained and rehearsed personal must be in attendance.  Equipment to deal with cardiovascular and respiratory emergencies must be present and in good working order.  It is unrealistic to expect that disasters will happen only in someone else’s office.  On the inevitable day such a disaster occurs, the plastic surgeon who has been practicing anesthesia in the office must be prepared to answer to answer the questions of the lawyer of  the injured plaintiff regarding the plastic surgeon’s qualifications and expertise in anesthesiology.

Finally, it can reasonably  be expected that certain patients who have sought cosmetic surgery will eventually undergo psychiatric treatment.  At such a time the plastic surgeon must be prepared to give answers regarding his or her choice of a known compound in a patient who subsequently suffered emotional and social impairment.

Allan Van Poznak, M.D.
Joseph F. Artusio Jr. M.D.
The New York Hospital-Cornel Medical Center
525 E 68th St
New York, N.Y.  10021

Phencyclidine (ketamine) was introduced in the practice of anesthesia in 1968.  It represented a brilliant breakthrough, a new avenue in the treatment of pain.  Like any other pharmacological innovation, ketamine met with “pendulum behavior”: an initial period of enthusiasm for it was followed by a period of criticism and finally its settling into a proper position in the pharmacology of anesthesia.

At present, after extensive studies and clinical experience, there are still many problems and unanswered questions that make ketamine a drug of limited use in anesthesia.  We limit its use in children to brief diagnostic procedures or cases in which general anesthesia would be a traumatic experience due to lack of cooperation.

I cannot anticipate any valid use of ketamine for ambulatory surgery.  The unpredictable emergence from anesthesia makes it unsuitable for office procedures.  Dreams and hallucinations during and after surgery have been describes unpleasant or frightening by many patients.  Tachycardia and mild hypertension produced by ketamine limit the use of vascoconstrictions frequently associated with local anesthetics in ambulatory surgery.  And of course, adequate resuscitation equipment and personal have to be available with the use of ketamine.

In ambulatory surgery, unless we are dealing with uncontrollable children, I would still recommend conventional methods of analgesia until a better dissociative anesthetic is available.

Ennio Gallozzi
33 Parkway East
Yonkers, N.Y.
Ennio Gallozzi, born February 1929, is the father of the sisters Marialuisa and Francesca.  He is an anesthesiologist, still in practice 61 years after graduating from the Sapienza University of Rome Medical School - University Di Roma-La Sapienza- Fac Di Medical E Chirurgia, in 1953.

33 Parkway East is a house like that in my repressed memory of returning that toy indian tepee in August 1971 with the counselors from Hudson Country Day Camp.

Ennio Gallozzi has the same type of thick accent that I remember from the maniac figure in that house screaming that he would never let us see each other again.

A recent – January 4, 2014 - review of middle sister Francesca’s professorship in Child Development at San Diego State University, San Diego CA may provide a clue:

This teacher is awful. She has something against Jewish People, people with special needs, and men being in the field of Child Development. This instructor is awful. Do not take this instructor.

Ketamine is essentially short acting PCP- a drug associated with all sorts of strange behavior, if not outright demonic possession.

About PCP-Ketamine:

Regressive loops: A curious quirk of phencyclidine that I have seen a few times is its capacity to induce in certain people regressive loops. In this state people appear like typically regressed subjects in hypnotic sessions, but with the difference that they get caught in a particular vision or phrase, oscillating forwards and backwards seemingly trapped in that moment. I have never seen anyone harmed by this experience and the best thing is to let them go at it until they return to “normal” consciousness. One user of my acquaintance turns into a duck quite regularly on Dust. One can be having an apparently extremely complex and intelligent conversation with him only to have him punctuate the points with a couple of quacks. “Quack! Quack!” he goes quite seriously and to the issue. We just have to wait ‘til the duck goes away….
The Schizomimetic Effect

Anyone studying the lives of saints, prophets, mystics and seers will undoubtedly realize that the line between Cosmic or God-Consciousness, and full-blown schizophrenia is hard to define and yet unmistakably substantial. Both states can be traced to profound biochemical alterations and many of the apparent effects can be cross-identified but, from a subjective point of view and with few exceptions, God-consciousness is qualitatively wholly different from the trapped agonies of the schizophrenic.

What PCP can do, and probably more effectively that Acid ever did, is to yield an arena in which the user, through focused attention, can decide to explore states of expanded consciousness. (Actually Timothy Leary’s word, Contelligence, a word salad of consciousness and intelligence, is a far better metaphor for what it is that we are trying to expand.) Through this expanded contelligence the sensitive user will not only be required to cope with the ecstatic and rapturous aspects of God-consciousness but he must also be prepared to face all that is in our world.

With entheogens it is possible to envision these negative forces as mythological and sometimes demonic thought forms and beat them through courage and knowledge. (Interestingly enough, PCP is often called “Demon dope” on the street.)

This is an observed feature in the work of both Carlos Castaneda, who talks much about The Ally, and Dr. John Lilly, who has had more than one confrontation with the demons. In almost every account in the literature and thoughout my own experience, I have found that these demons are an illusion, a very solid one granted, that is fed by fear. This is both the accumulated fear of all who have empowered the “demonic” and the user’s own fear. However, it is a fear that can be “gotten on top of” and the demons turn quite unexpectedly into angels or guides who will transport the user to new levels of transcendent consciousness. Whether these forms have some sort of internal “objective reality,” since they have been experienced by so many, depends on one’s mindset, but the fact remains that they are there! I can only presume that they form some sort of barrier that exists to keep all but the bravest from breaking through. …
The Ketamine Molecule

Phencyclidine and Ketamine Hydrochloride are very closely related on a molecular level. Ketamine was developed during Vietnam as a quick and efficient battlefield anesthetic. It is still used as such in some medical contingencies, but in quantities about five times what you need to get high. Ketamine is like a courteous PCP. It comes on much cleaner and more pharmaceutical, but the essential similarities with the more sturdy phencyclidine are there. The optimum method for taking Ketamine is undoubtedly by intra-muscular injection, although it can be snorted. The i-m introduces two very different but equally interesting ways of dealing with the K high. Surrendering to it and sinking into the rush can provide an incredible intergalactic, space-traveling, out-of-the-body high, more vivid in my experience than any other comparable transcendogen, except Dust. The other option, that of keeping on top of the rush and allowing the drug to act like a rocket booster, provides a truly remarkable “open-eye” experience. Under these circumstances it is not unusual to have visitors from other levels and dimensions appearing within the “K space,” or the distinct impression that one has been transported to another dimension or planet.
Both applications seem important to a generation that will see the start of space migration as well as witnessing some of the first inter-species meetings.
PCP and the Future
Taking a wider view, the best, albeit fictional, analogue for PCP is the melange spice that permeates Frank Herbert’s DUNE quartet. Whereas Acid and Mescaline and the first generation transcendogens concentrate mainly on producing visual and spacial effects, PCP and Ketamine veer towards temporal distortions. This dilation and contraction of time raises some vital questions concerning the subjectivity of the time/space continuum and might possibly open the door to some rudimentary experiments in time travel.

The association of PCP with deathlike experiences undoubtedly relates to the inexperienced user’s attempts to cope with rapid ego loss. Once this is appreciated, breaking through the “skin” of ego-oriented reality into other realities becomes a much simpler and less scary operation.

It has been my observation that the use of both Ketamine and Phencyclidine will allow a much enhanced understanding of the potentialities of time travel and of fusing with undifferentiated consciousness forms. They will, in all probability, provide a meeting arena for inner-dimensional entities, spirit guides, extra-temporals and extraterrestrials, and can lead toward a reperception of the possibility of telepathy and teleportation.

Why would such a drug be given to a child under any circumstance?

Does this story  – of evident dissociative states and social impairment, particularly that encountered in spring 1978, with bizarre personality shifts from the sweet girl of autumn 1977 and summer of 1971 – involve a highly questionable use of ketamine?  Or far worse, Phencyclidine PCP!!!

Was ketamine or PCP administered by an anesthesiologist father as a pharmacological dissociative agent to his ‘uncontrollable’ daughter who wanted to return to summer camp to be with me- her boyfriend/ 1st love- upon seeing that I was in her driveway to return her toy Indian tepee and tell her that I loved her and wanted to be with her: my beloved ‘Jane’ of Hudson Country Day Camp  in August 1971?

 Douglas Andrew Willinger - October 4, 2014

June 21, 2018- excerpt from a pair of 1961 wedding announcements; Delaware County Daily Times, Chester, Pennsylvania May 10, 1961, with additional information spliced in from The Sydney Morning Herald, Sydney New South Wales May 17, 1961
A wedding of international interest took place here [Saint Francis Assis Roman Catholic Church, Springfield, Pennsylvania] Saturday [May 6] when Australian nurse Miss Margaret Ann Leydin, daughter of Mr. Frank J. Leydin and [the late] Mrs. [Anne] Leydin of Wau, New Guinea, became the bride of Dr. Ennio Gallozzi of Rome.  Dr.Gallozzi is the son of [the late Giuseppe Gallozzi, and] Mrs. Teresa Gallozzi of Rome .... The bride, born and educated in Australia, is  a resident of Wau, New Guinea, and at present is in the United States under the International Exchange Visiting Nurses program.  Her husband was educated at the University of Rome [Medical School], was a Fulbright Scholar [1955-1956] and is doing post-graduate study in anesthesia at St. Luke's Hospital, New York.
About University of Rome Medical School:

About the U.S. Government Fulbright Scholarship Program:

Some articles regarding the possible potential of dosing with anesthesia type drugs for inducing long term changes in people:

Phencyclidine, PCP for uncooperative, uncontrollable children?